Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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