I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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