wat bout pragnant strippers??
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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