lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
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I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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