You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
