Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
