if i died would you start the facebook group?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
