Rock
Scissors
Fuck
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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