take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
