so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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