I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
