Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
