I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
