I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
