i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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