Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
