Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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