if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize