So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
