id be glad to
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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