this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
