my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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