people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
