It's just like the Real World with babies
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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