Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
