Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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