Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
