dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
