do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
