Moan for me like Helen Keller
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
