you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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