He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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