I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
