she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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