remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I smell stomach acid.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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