Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
