Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
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Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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