Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
