just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
