i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
