Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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