Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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