i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
50% drunk capacity currently
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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