dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
a search helicopter?!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
