A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
