Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
