guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So many bounce houses so little time
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
