making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
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I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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