I think my vagina is haunted
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
