8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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