Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
