Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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