Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
