i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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