did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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