Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
