I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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