I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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