Nicole vs. Life
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.