Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty

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  (914): i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty http://tfl.nu/qv38
  Replies (17) Good night (1222) Bad night (2495)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?

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  (281): so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad? http://tfl.nu/ttkx
  Replies (18) Good night (1377) Bad night (5120)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face

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  (276): Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face http://tfl.nu/0y76
  Replies (7) Good night (4106) Bad night (943)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??

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  (503): You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!?? http://tfl.nu/qs7s
  Replies (5) Good night (4016) Bad night (715)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.

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  (678): Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed. http://tfl.nu/4nvh
  Replies (12) Good night (681) Bad night (4543)
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  (707): View more from California

  He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good

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  (707): He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good http://tfl.nu/rj3f
  Replies (19) Good night (5522) Bad night (1166)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends

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  (847): u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends http://tfl.nu/ywa9
  Replies (14) Good night (4435) Bad night (2046)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...

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  (217): I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony... http://tfl.nu/w96r
  Replies (14) Good night (3522) Bad night (1775)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.

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  (508): True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college. http://tfl.nu/95qw
  Replies (50) Good night (885) Bad night (3276)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.

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  (360): You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/13cn
  Replies (5) Good night (3011) Bad night (718)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws

  (416): View more from Toronto

  That explains the stains on my shirt

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  (647): You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws (416): That explains the stains on my shirt http://tfl.nu/ptlu
  Replies (3) Good night (1513) Bad night (618)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.

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  (773): Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check. http://tfl.nu/xi8q
  Replies (9) Good night (1938) Bad night (489)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.

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  (410): I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling. http://tfl.nu/eba9
  Replies (3) Good night (468) Bad night (917)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.

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  (989): I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE. http://tfl.nu/7z2p
  Replies (4) Good night (691) Bad night (302)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.

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  (941): I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality. http://tfl.nu/r3i8
  Replies (2) Good night (384) Bad night (166)

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