So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
