I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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