you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her