well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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