guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
