I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
