I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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