shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
