its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
