Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize