the new term for farting is butt boxing.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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