my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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