That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
