he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
